The girls gave me two labels, both a surprise to me and based on their perception of me. “Mommy,” says M, “You are forgettable. Every time I ask you about something you forget it and can never remember.” R says, “Mom you are lazy. You like to just lay on the couch, sleep late and take a bath.” I try to explain to them that I’m not forgettable and lazy, just busy and enjoy my down time to recharge. There is no acknowledgement from either of them.
Rather than getting annoyed with it, I started using it to my advantage. “Mom, did you buy me new shoes?” “Nope, I forgot.” “Mom, do you want to jump on the trampoline?” “Nope, I prefer to just be lazy and relax on the couch.”
I started realizing when I owned my given label, it gave me an excuse, and they didn’t get mad at me. It was a bye – YES! Expectations were lowered, and I never had to live up to them because I could use my label. It was a way to avoid responsibility.
They were wrong about my labels, but, interestingly, I started to become my labels. Instead of being active with R, I could default on “lazy”. Instead of writing things down to remember, I could default on “forgettable.” I then realized it was a warning on labels.